Being in the moment

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We hear a lot about mental stress, depression, anxiety, suicide now a days and many of us also keep promoting blogs, videos, small write ups for a better mental health.

I happen to meet a friend a few days back. She suffers from anxiety for many years and I have seen her struggle through it and come out of it gloriously. I have seen how she copes with it and I am totally, impressed by her.

I happen to meet her a few day back as we make it a point to meet up once a week and she seemed really low and a bit unhappy. I usually avoid talking about anything unhappy with her as it can reinforce negative thoughts in a person who is emotionally low.

So as usual I tired talking about different fun things to change her state of mind and she just didn’t seem to be involved in my talks. I realized the graveness of her situation and finally with a heavy heart asked her why was going on with her?

The question just got her eyes moist and I saw she was gathering courage to hold her tears back and speak her heart and mind to me. The first sentence she said was “even if I want to move on in life, my family keeps reminding me of how I was unwell and incapable of looking after them.” And this got me angry but I had to get a grip on my emotions.

Her husband, a busy man was traveling a lot for work and was mostly out of the country. Her children were at an age where they just would not listen to her if she tried correcting them. Even though now she is better and capable of not just taking care of herself but also her home, her children just would say “you haven’t been around when we needed you and now we can manage on our own!” even if it was true the way it was said would hurt her.

If for some reason she shouted at the kids the in- laws would wonder if she is was anxious and depressed again. She was having a tough time at home to make her family understand that she is fine and can deal with every situation.

She was sounding very tired when she said, it was not easy to over come anxiety and depression and when she finally has managed to do that, she has a new battle to fight with her family to make them understand that she is better. And I felt that do we ever stop handling situations and issues ever in our life. All we need is to take each day as it comes and be in the moment.

I held her had and told her that she need not be anxious about it but rather she needs to be patient and let everybody see the change. At the same time I also understand her feeling of coping up with all the time she has lost in looking after her children and her marriage. But all I could tell her was its never too late to set things right. We can’t turn back the clock but we can certainly make a better future.

 

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At the end of a tunnel there is always light

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A few days back I was walking in my local market engrossed, looking out for some typical seasonal vegetables when I felt a hand very gently tapping my shoulder and I curiously turned around hoping to see a familiar face….  But in front of me stood a young girl who I had never met before.

She had a meek smile on her face and she questioned me “Aren’t you Smita Deo?” and after I had said a yes, she introduced herself and said she has been following me on Facebook and watching my shows as well. I was delighted to hear that and I was about to end the conversation and move on, when she very softly held my hand and said, that she saw an interview of mine on TV, talking about mental health and then she actually started talking to me about something that she suffers from.

It was very disturbing to hear, she was recently diagnosed with a condition (that’s treatable) and was just married a year back. Coping with issues in an arranged marriage was anyways not easy and now to top it all this whole new condition to deal with was going hard on her, her spouse and the rest of the family as well.

She was painfully talking about her bouts of depression, sometimes anxiety and when she would turn violent how her family thought she was mad or may be even possessed. I was surprised that even in this age and time people think this way. Well, we both stood on a road for the next 10 min where she spoke and I simply heard her.

She said she had done a course on fashion designing and was married off right after the course had ended and within a few months of marriage she was experiencing, bouts of depression and anxiety. The next few months went about not understanding what the hell was going on and people around her giving their own diagnoses to her condition.

I have always been bewildered with the fact that in certain health situations most people around us become doctors themselves giving their two bits. Anyway this women went through the same, till she was confused, frustrated and her condition worsened and her spouse and in laws could not handle it and sent her back to her parents home and opted for a divorce instead of understanding the situation and seeking the right help. Surprisingly I was not surprised on hearing this as I always feel that many of us are not aware of mental health and wellbeing and also care less about it.

Well after spending some time with her on a street and hearing her story I realized how important it was for her to talk to someone and feel that she is not the only one going through an issue. I have always believed that speaking always helps

So as of now she has chosen to take medical help for her condition…. She is still not confident of starting her life afresh but I am sure she will soon as I feel once you have accepted the problem … you can be treated and then there is no looking back to feeling better ….

And at the end of our heart, felt conversation I just said to her what I had heard when I was struggling with my condition “ THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL